Virginia Wesleyan College Says They Have No Responsibility to Protect Students From Rape

Stay classy, Virginia Wesleyan.

A former Virginia Wesleyan College freshman is suing the school after she was raped on campus in 2012. The unnamed woman says the school did not do enough to prevent her rape and didn't respond appropriately when she reported it [via News13Now].

The school is seeking to have the suit dismissed, with their brief reading, "The existence of a duty to warn or protect is a pure question of law. In general, one does not have a duty to warn or protect another from third-party criminal acts." The school is also arguing against claims that the school has a higher rate of sexual assaults than other schools.

Attorneys for the college have said, "VWC finds rape and sexual assault abhorrent and vehemently denies playing any contributing role in the rape and sexual assault alleged by Plaintiff," but this was also reportedly written in a section that alleges the former student assumed the risk of sexual violence and attributes the assault to her own negligence.

Since news of the lawsuit broke, many people have been angry with how the school is handling it, but the school maintains it has done nothing wrong.


via http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/

10 Signs He's Only Telling You What You Want to Hear

There's no way he's that laid-back.

1. He never puts up a counterargument. There's no way anyone is that agreeable. You might have the chillest boyfriend in the whole world (What's cooler than being cool? Your boyfriend, apparently), but more likely, he'd rather you get your way than risk disagreeing with you.

2. He agrees with you and then immediately goes back to watching TV. Yeah, sure, he loves that dress, but he loves watching Monday Night Football way more. He was prepping that "Yeah, sure, honey" before he even turned his head to look at it. This interaction is the basic foundation of pretty much every sitcom dad ever.

3. You have to fight to even get an opinion out of him. He does his best to avoid even telling you what you want to hear. He tries to shrug off loaded questions, or he lies down and pretends to go to sleep as a defense mechanism.

4. You tend to berate him when he does share his opinion. If he's just telling you what he thinks you want to hear, it might be less because he's so passive and more because you're so aggressive. If you find yourself criticizing him any time your opinions don't match up, he might decide offering up any legitimate info isn't even worth it.
5. He tends to be very vague. "Oh, you know, whatever" and "I'm not really hungry so you can pick the restaurant" might as well be written on his family crest. When you ask him for his opinion, he opens his mouth and words come out, but it's not like you got anything constructive out of it.
6. He doubles back on himself constantly. He reads you very carefully, and if it looks like he's saying the wrong thing, he backs up, murmurs, "On second thought," and then gives you a perfect answer … an answer that's a little too perfect.

7. He just leaves the room as soon as he gives you a response. He tries to form an opinion around what he thinks you want him to say, and then bails before you have a chance to poke holes in his incredibly shaky opinion.
8. He agrees with you, but then acts moody when he doesn't get his way. He's not strong enough to disagree with you, and he's not strong enough to keep it under wraps after you take him at face value.
9. He makes a nondescript "mmm" noise when you ask him a question. You just asked him if he wants kids and he replied with some kind of grunt/moan hybrid. What does that noise mean? It could be a yes or a no, and it gives him enough wiggle room to bring it up later and tell you that you misheard him.
10. He tells you it's only important what you think. This is just a cop-out move lifted word-for-word from the last five minutes of an after-school special, if they made after-school specials about what you two should do this weekend.

courtesy by http://www.cosmopolitan.com/

The 10 Habits that Keep Marriages Strong

Try these surprisingly simple practices you can do to stay—or fall back—in love with your partner. 

1. Not trying to change each other

Original story appeared on RedbookMag.com.
Maybe you wish he folded his socks, or that he would chat it up with your friends without prompting. But, his inability to notice hair in the sink may stem from the laid-back personality that drew you to him in the first place. "One of the things we see with happy couples is that they know their partner's differences, and have pretty much stopped trying to change the other person," says Darren Wilk, a certified Gottman Couples Therapist with a private practice in Vancouver, British Columbia. "Rather than trying to fight their partner's personality style, they instead focus on each other's strengths." To better understand how to tap into both of your best qualities, take this quick relationship personality quiz.

 

2. Framing your demands as favors

Whether you want him to unload the dishwasher more often or pay closer attention to the kids, your partner will be more likely to change his behavior if he feels like he'll get relationship brownie points. "Throw it out there like a favor. Present it like 'here is the recipe for what will make me happy,' because everyone wants to make their partner feel happy," says Wilk. "When you present your needs, present them as what you do want rather than what you don't want." Instead of saying, "I hate when you have to have everything scheduled," try saying, "I would love to have a day where we can just be spontaneous."

3. Vocalizing your appreciation

Giving your partner positive reinforcement sounds like a no-brainer, but couples often forget to do it. "Relationship expert Gottman's research found that in everyday life the happy couples have 20 positive moments — such as a shared look, compliment, or affectionate touch — to every negative moment," says Wilk. Tell him something positive three times a day, and be specific. Instead of saying, "You're a good dad," tell him why. "You're a good dad because you helped our daughter with that puzzle and it made me feel safe and secure." 

4. Focusing on the positive

"Unhappy couples are stuck in a negative state of mind," says Wilk. "You will always find what you look for. If you look for stuff that bugs you and that your partner is doing wrong, you will find it every day. If you look at what your partner is doing it right, you’ll find it everyday." It's a choice to flip your mindset, so when you find yourself getting annoyed, visualize something he does that makes your heart flutter to halt the negative thought circuit.

5. Taking trips down memory lane

"Happy couples tend to rewrite history by glossing over the bad stuff and focusing on the happy times," says Wilk. By reliving memories out loud to your partner, it actually changes your mindset, and how you view him and think about your relationship. Try this exercise whenever your feel your relationship needs a boost: Go over the highlights of when you were first dating, or rehearse the best moments of your relationship (such as the day you had an impromptu picnic in the park during your lunch hour, or that surprise anniversary date he took you on) to uncover buried memories. 

 

6. Never siding with the enemy

"Sometimes what affair-proofs relationships is simply being there when your partner needs to vent, and having their back without trying to fix the problem," says Wilk. "People want someone to listen to them.” The key is to be supportive, and never take the side of the person he’s venting about — even if you can see where that person is coming from. For example, if he is upset that his boss took away a contract and gave it to someone else in the office, now is not the time to say, "Well, maybe you didn't put your best effort in." Right now he needs his feelings validated, and to hear you say, "That must have been really hard." Happy couples know when to bite their tongues.

7. Not getting too comfortable

Trust, security, and commitment are key elements in any relationship, but having them doesn't mean you can treat your relationship as rock-solid, and stop trying. "Relationships are a fragile ecosystem, and that's why there is a 50 percent divorce rate," says Wilk. "Happy couples keep dating, telling each other they look great, and doing things together."

8. Having rituals of connection

"It's not only about having a date night, but happy couples seem to do a lot of mundane things together," says Wilk. "They have little habits that they decide to do together, whether it be sitting down to pay the bills once a month or folding laundry." We say, anything to make that pile of dirty clothes feel more manageable.

 

9. Knowing your partner's calls for attention

Happy couples are mindful of those little moves their partners do for attention. When Gottman's team studied 120 newlyweds in his the Love Lab, they discovered that couples who stayed married six years later were paying attention to these bids for connection 86 percent of the time, compared to only 33 percent of the time for those who later divorced. So look out for the little things, and respond to his need to connect. Like if you're grocery shopping and he throws out that he hasn't had Fruit Loops since he was a kid, throw them in the cart for him to show that you care.

 

10. Doing the little things

"When it comes to relationship satisfaction, you can't just ride on the big things like, 'I don’t drink, I pay the bills, I don't beat you, we went to Hawaii last year,'" says Wilk. "This stuff is not really what keeps couples happy in their daily lives." What really matters is all the small stuff that adds up, such as being there for each other when one needs to vent, or noticing when he needs a hug, or making him his favorite meal just because. "It's also giving up on the idea that you have to feel in love all the time. Marriage is about trust and commitment and knowing each other," says Wilk. "That's what love is."

 

via womansday.com/

 

 

 

12 Sneaky Signs He’ll Never Commit to You

Learn the difference between men who want you forever and men who want you for now

1. He’s all about grand gestures, not small ones. He picks up every tab and takes you shopping for fancy things, but out of sight, out of mind. “He never does thoughtful things, like buying your favorite scone on the way to your house,” says dating coach Laurel House, author of the forthcoming Screwing the Rules: The No-Games Guide to Love. If he’s not doing little kindnesses that prove he knows the details about you, it’s probably because he doesn’t care to.

2. He shows you off at parties and then leaves you to mingle. You might like that he introduces you around. It’s his behavior afterward that’s telling, though. “The guy who won’t commit seems to forget to spend time with you during the majority of the party,” says House. And speaking of party…
3. He always wants to do something, not focus his attention on you. Your date nights are at extravagant restaurants, not at home just hanging out. “He prefers to decompress alone and not include you in life’s day-to-day,” says House. Committed couples want to be together most of the time. If he doesn’t involve you in morning runs and grocery shopping, “you’re not part of his real life,” says House.
4. He wants to share celebrations with you, not struggles. It’s great that he tells you about wins at work, but staying mum about setbacks isn’t necessarily because of his manly pride. “You are not who he turns to for real support or love,” says House. He needs to feel he can and actually do it, or else he can’t be in a lasting relationship with its inevitable challenges.
5. He tells you he wants a future, but only while on a high. If you’ve heard this exclusively when he’s drunk—whether from booze or accomplishments—it doesn’t count. House says it’s important he says this during a normal moment in life, when your heads are crystal-clear. “Cut to reality and bring it up again, and the non-committal guy will make you feel like you’re needy” for wanting clarity about your future.
6. He never plans ahead. Men who want to stick around start talking about events down the road the moment they see a future with you. The non-committal man is last-minute about everything, so don’t mistake this red flag for spontaneity. “He has a tough time committing to any plan that's even a few days or a week out,” says House. “He doesn't want to feel boxed in by anything” in case something better comes along.
7. He doesn’t make love to you how you like it. Not all men need the foreplay many women do to warm up, so with a guy who doesn’t care about your needs “it's just a wham-bam kind of thing,” says dating expert Neely Steinberg, author of Skin in the Game: Unleashing Your Inner Entrepreneur to Find Love. Sex doesn’t feel intimate when you’re not getting satisfaction, and you won’t get it unless he strives to be sexually compatible with you.
8. His attention to you dwindles over time. And it shouldn’t, even though every relationship has ebbs and flows. “It's not the end of the honeymoon phase, but his usual MO,” says Steinberg. “He comes on strong in the beginning to draw you in and win you over, but when he senses you're expecting relationship-type things from him, he realizes he needs to withdraw.”
9. He criticizes more than helps. Men like to solve problems, but only tend to weigh in if you’re sharing one. So if he nitpicks your appearance, personality and more, “he doesn’t appreciate your individuality,” says dating coach and matchmaker April Davis, founder of dating service Cupid’s Cronies. He’s trying to change you, and when he can’t? He’ll be gone.
10. He says he’s not good enough for you. That “I’m-not-worthy” feeling can make you feel like he thinks he’s won the lottery with you. However, he may just be planting a seed for the reason he skips out later on. And if he truly doesn’t feel he’s on par with you, the relationship won’t last for that reason.
11. He doesn’t introduce you to the other women in his life. Guys can have female friends, especially if they’re part of your social circle and you get platonic vibes from their relationship. “But beware if he still talks to his ex or another female ‘friend’ and is hesitant to include you in conversations and outings,” says Davis. “This is basically saying that you come second.”
12. He doesn’t ask for your advice. When he’s in a pickle at work or doesn’t know how to broach a tough topic with his mom, he should want your insights as a strong, smart woman. If he goes to others for wise words, “it reveals that he values his friends’ opinions more highly than yours,” says Davis. And a man isn’t likely to enter a long-term relationship with a woman whose thoughts he doesn’t appreciate.
src womansday.com

 

8 Sex Conversations Every Couple Must Have

Discuss what's going on between the sheets for a more fulfilling relationship

It goes without saying that you’d like to enjoy making love to your partner; yet, nearly every other aspect of sex calls for a chat. Here’s why: Couples who discuss tricky topics effectively are 10 times more likely to have a happy relationship than those who ignore difficult subjects, according to a study by Joseph Grenny, co-author of Crucial Conversations. “A handful of conversations make the biggest difference in the strength and duration of a relationship,” says Grenny. “Talking about sexual intimacy tops that small list.” Read on for eight issues to broach and how to approach them so you can move on to more interesting things.
1. Limits. Unless you want to end up in a “50 Shades of OMG what are you doing?” situation, discuss boundaries. “While it’s possible to have a good experience trying something new with no communication, it’s also possible to have a big fail,” says Carol Queen, PhD, Staff Sexologist for Good Vibrations, an online sex toy shop. Determine what kinds of play you’re OK with before someone pulls out handcuffs. Also, choose a safe word, one unrelated to sex either of you can say to halt what's happening. To start the limits conversation, exchange one idea each about something you’d like to experience. “Worst case: Your move stays a fantasy. Best case: There are two new options on your sexual menu,” says Dr. Queen.
2. Ruts. It can be easy to move into patterns in a sexual relationship, “especially if a couple starts out with little sex information or strong opinions about what ‘normal’ sex is, leading them to reject many erotic options,” says Dr. Queen. If your sexual playbook becomes staid, she suggests talking to a sex therapist or coach—or doing some reading. “Some books, like Hot Sex! Over 200 Things You Can Try Tonight, are made to be browsed together, giving you spicy ideas and info to boot,” says Dr. Queen.
3. Dysfunction. Failure to launch and premature party ending are touchy subjects. “Most guys don’t want to talk about it while in bed,” says Joel D. Block, PhD, author of Do It My Way. So instead, “ask him to pleasure you—it takes the tension away from his difficulty.” If you have the issue, say, dryness, Dr. Block suggests saying, “I love when you go more slowly” or “I need more foreplay to get me started.” If dysfunction happens repeatedly, acknowledge the problem outside of the bedroom. “You could say, ‘If I’m feeling pressured it works against me, but know that I’m OK. We’ll get past this.” If he elaborates, cool. If not, drop the issue knowing you’ve at least mentioned it in a sensitive, supportive manner.
4. Safety. “It doesn’t matter how many sex partners each of you has had,” points out Dr. Queen. “HPV and other bugs hitch a ride on human genitals, just as the common cold goes for your nose and throat.” It’s best to talk about this matter-of-factly before you have sex for the first time. Try: “This is what I do for birth control” and “These are my standards for safe sex.” “It’s your body, and some conditions are forever—including unplanned offspring,” adds Dr. Queen.
5. Exclusivity. Don’t assume. “If you don’t come to a clear verbal agreement and think, ‘he couldn’t be with someone else,’ you’re lying to yourself,” says Laurie Puhn, couples mediator, author and creator of the nationwide course Fight Less, Love More. “Many women prefer to assume exclusivity because they’re afraid the guy won’t agree to it.” In that case, you should know and make an informed decision about whether to have sex. How do you get into that topic gracefully? “You should both feel comfortable, perhaps in one of your homes or in a dimly lit lounge,” says Puhn. “Just don’t talk about it when either of you has had more than one drink.”
6. Timing. Are you in the mood now? What about now? “If one person is raring to go and the other gives compliance sex,’ it will not only fail to be physically gratifying but also to produce emotional connection,” says Grenny. It’s better to talk about not wanting sex, but how do you say “no” without it sounding like “never”? “Touch your mate, smile and suggest another time,” says Puhn. “This says I love you and want to be intimate, but not tonight.” Be sure to follow through on the follow-up appointment.
7. Feedback. Discuss what turns you on—and what doesn’t—as unnatural as it may feel. “Our partners aren’t mind readers,” explains Dr. Queen, who suggests starting with, “There are things I think about, sexually, that I never mention.” From there, a general “Can we talk about this more?” usually does the trick. During the act, “maneuver into position and make sounds of pleasure to encourage your partner toward a certain behavior,” says Dr. Block. “Men appreciate these nonverbal prompts.” They also respond well to comments that are about you, rather than about him. So instead of “do this," try, “When you do this, it’s hot for me.”
8. Planning. This may sound utterly unromantic, but couples should talk about how to fit sex into their busy schedules. “Americans have intercourse an average of a bit more than once a week,” says Dr. Block. “But it's quality, not quantity that counts.” Dr. Block suggests deciding how much is mutually acceptable, and whether that includes quiet sex while visiting relatives and unexpected quickies. If one of you is a morning sex person and the other an evening sex person, “calendar a compromise: a weekend afternoon delight or an after-work assignation,” says Dr. Queen.
via .womansday.com/